So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
