Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
