Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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