Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
