you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
