Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize