I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
