but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
