Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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