you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
