dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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