I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
