No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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