If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
