Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
