I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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