and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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