ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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