help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
