Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
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