I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
