Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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