I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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