I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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