your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
