I wish my penis had an off switch
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
