I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
