OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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