Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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