we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
