Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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