I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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