i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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