I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
