You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
