she kept yelling 'call me bella'
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
