After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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