i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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