Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
