Will you blow on my dice?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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