we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
