you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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