you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
time to smoke my breakfast
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He felt like a one man threesome
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
