its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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