So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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