Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize