Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
