I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
