She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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