do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
