I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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