dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
sex in a hospital.. check
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
