I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
