I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
