This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
