Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
