Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
