did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
