my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
