I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize