well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
