If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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