we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
