I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
