I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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