after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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