Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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