My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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