maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
