and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
