He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
His wife found the thong I āforgotā in his glovebox
Randomize
