Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and she was petting her beer can
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
