either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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