And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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