Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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